tiredness

Tiredness creeps up on you slowly, like shadows slowly inching thier way into your mind, causing your head to feel heavy with the weight of darkness's decent into your thoughts. Tired is what causes your body to slow, like trains at the end of a track slowly rolling into place until it comes to a complete stop. Sleep. The restoring of energy. But sleep has its downsides, nightmares. terrifying images of non reality, though they feel so real at the time. Fears are surfaced dragging you into this horrifying image of your life in a twisted unreadable blob of information thrown at you by your mind, interpreted by your heart as hurt, pain lies, twisting life into an image of pure horrid, plain out terror. but to that there are always dreams.Full of hope, and love, and passion. You are surrounded by good, kind things, that make you feel as if your floating above all the troubles of the reality you accepted before you slipped into this world of pure imagined, nonsense and happiness. Suspended above the real world. the only problem with dreams is that you have to wake up,to face reality once more. The thing about reality is, sometimes you cant get to sleep, for the simple fact that reality is better than your dreams. thats when you know your in love. some people never feel this, so they look forward to the end of the day, as thier "train" reaches its destination and they can slip smoothly into thier sheets, escaping the worrys of reality in thier own world, thier personalized dream world that makes up who they wish they were,and where they want to be. But as tiredness comes, they accept it, welcome it gratefully, and when they wake, they wish all day for the pleasure of the fake reality they've created in thier dreams. Tiredness comes, but now i dont accept it. I dont want each day to end for the fear that i will no longer have this understanding. The understanding that reality doesnt have to be bad if you look at it from a different angle. you can never adjust the world , but you can always adjust the way you look at it. Life has problems, but like road bumps, to get anywhere, you have to keep moving forward just keep holding your head up high, and loving life. As i write this my fingers are slowing, and my head has become heavy with darkness, but thats alright, because tomorrow i will wake, and my head will once again be filled with the light of a new day:D sweet dreams:D and may they all come true:D

Theres this boyy... <3

Haha:D to get started theres this AmAzInG girl with blonde hair and blue eyes, who is ThE bEsT! i flippin <3 you ShMeKaH! lol But my life has been crazy amazing... i havent talked in a WHILE:D so heres a list of MaJoR eVeNtS:D

• Well theres this boyy... who I like , who likes me back:D
• The play went amazing! I loved it and miss the whole cast:D
• I made one acts and am participating in the thespian competition with sydney trotter the best actress EVER!
• There was a SNOW DAY! in vegas!!!
• I'm painting my room purple and orange:D it looks amazing!
• im going to do track:D yay!
• The new years dance is this week:D
• i went for a run today and it was ahhmazing....

thats not all, but you know me... forgetful:D i promise to write soon... when im not so busy:D lol

boys make life_________

confuzing perplexing, exiting, exhilerating, wierd.... i like a boy. and I almost wish I didnt

jerk night and a christmas carol

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Tonight I preform in front of an audience for the first time ever!!!! I'm preforming A Christmas Carol for jerk night(Mr. Klundt's students) Cannot wait but I'm nervous! Pray for me:D

hello

Just saying hi:D How was your thanksgiving? Mine was... uneventful and delicious:D Did you like my story?I didnt get to finish it but it would be good with a little bit of revising haha not even. Well I should go do... something. Bye!

today and the rain.

Nothing much is happening exept very hard costume changes, Skipping school because nothing is going to happen and I have no homework due, and Its raining for the 3rd time this year. So off I go on a rant... follow along there will be a quiz after this... lol

How is it that everything seems more beautiful after a nice long rain? Is it that its fresh? Clean? Pure?

Rain is a marvel here in the desert landscape I, along with millions of others, call home. While most long for a good rainstorm, to lift our spirits, rain can be depicted as dull, dreary, or even a bad omen. I however LOVE it with all my heart

Sorry...

I've been putting off writing for a while. I was trying to look on the positive side of things, but things just kept getting worse. I told myself I wouldn't write until I had something good to say, and seeing as a two weeks ago was the worst week of my life, I think that its ok to say I'm good now, and that I'm o.k. to write.
So to update you on current events I've made a list...
I have been doing well at play practice, and cannot wait for the show in two weeks. I'm pretty nervous seeing as this is my first show, let alone musical, that and the fact that I've never had a solo in front of more then... lets say 10-20 people, and last year 300 showed up..... Ya nervous
In the play I am one of two Freshmen getting a microphone.... Which is pretty amazing:D
We had a fireside tonight, my hometeacher, Brother Kendall's brother, who was brigam young in the Joseph Smith movie, and a singer, talked to us about being proud of who you are. Very inspirational speaker!
We're reading A Seperate Piece in english class... McShea is stacking up the homework! I'm dying, ugh... but the books... well o.k....:D
Thanks to M*E*G I officially LOVE The Rocket Summer:D
I have a B in Geometry, and got 100% on a quiz for the first time:D
My hair looks pretty today:D
I finally got to wear those blue, green, and pink high heels
I have a new friend Micheal and he has been such a great friend whom I can trust
I'm submitting a poem for the poetry contest at school
I have a new favorite movie WALLE:D
5 birthdays this week, Shaun, Sydney, Lauren, Tara, Nyka, Oh wait 6, and CHARLIE!!!!
So put it in short, Ive been busy. That plus two babysitting jobs, and birthday parties, its been a busy week and I'm soooo grateful this next one is a short one, of only three days.
I've decided to rant a little, this time I'll pick the subject, and if there are no comments next time I will too.
Write a story about an empty glass
There it was, on the table taunting me, as if it could actually talk. I looked briefly away then turned back to admire it's simple beauty one more time before taking it and dropping it and all it represented on the floor, hoping it would shatter into a million tiny peices alleviating all of the problems my mind associated with it. Of course being as sturdy as it was, it broke into only four or five pieces, which I then took and threw on the ground, this time throwing it with all my might to the floor. I took pleasure in doing this for some reason, but immediatly swept it up and threw it away, feeling ashamed that something as, thoughtless, and inannimate as a glass could arise feelings of longing, and hurt in me. I highly doubt that it would make a difference what I'd done to it, but I felt bad for hurting it, then felt stupid for feeling that an empty object, of all things would have feelings. I thought about it's past, how happy it had made me before, a gift from a former love, former being the key word. After the death last month I had looked at it and cried for hours. Hoping it would somehow bring me comfort but its emptiness making me feel empty, its coldness making me shiver with chills. The memory tied to it I will hesitantly try to explain, but nothing can explain the joy, the absolute and pure love that is tied to it.
It was a night among many, filled with joy and happiness. But unlike many other of those nights, it was the night before our marriage....

I must go to sleep now... hope you liked the story... in honor of thanksgiving I will end this with a thankful word....
I am thankful for my friends, my true family in this time of trial:D
~My name is Rylea, whats yours?~

amazing days

I am thankful for
A room that I can hide from the world in
Books that can make me feel like life is worth the struggles
A god that protects me and loves me
Friends that do thier best to support me
Pantene pro-v.. self explanitory:D
People who leave comments on my blog
Finding people who share my beliefs
Stars
GUYs who are friends
anyone who boosts my self confidence in anyway
my mothers cooking skills
I love romance novels... COUNTING STARS.... read it wish it want it learn it love it

Sometimes crying isnt enough. Seriously! What did I do to deserve this! I've tried so hard but I cannot make ANYTHING right! I need somewhere where nothing can ever go wrong. One place where I'm not saying the wrong thing or being harrassed by everyone! where I dont look completely horrible all the time! where something finally goes right!!!! I want to have a place that the world cant catch up to me... I need a new family, new faces, new landscape new everything! If your wondering Makenna is horrifyingly good at making me feel so horrible and mean and ugly and inhuman if you havent noticed. I need someone counteracting that.. I need a hug! anyone? I knew there wouldnt be.

Halloween Haunts:D

Halloween was not what I expected, though I had a ton of fun anyways:D
I got dressed up in an outfit intending me to look like someone from the fifties... A housewife is what it turned into. I had so much makeup on my face I felt gross, and the apron was tied to tight so it was choking me. But despite my costume malfunctions, I still went looking forward to the nights activities at the ward party.
I was there second, only beat by the Abbots. Katie looked Drop dead gorgeous and Her mom looked absolutely regal! Thier dad had a long wig and a hat, so he made me laugh as well. I didnt even want to think about how I looked next to her, so I decided I'd make an excuse and go somewhere else until everyone else came. I walked into the gym looking around for something to do and fell into a fit of laughter when Brandon walked up to me. He was dressed as an old woman and his mom was dressed as an old man! Hilarity !! I promise to upload pictures as soon as I get them.
After a while everyone trickled in and to my surprise and dismay, they all looked almost as good as katie.. no witches, goblins or goons to boost my self-esteem in any way. Actually , as a funny considence we were all dressed from a different time period. Kiffyn was a cave woman, an absolutely cute one, with zebra fabric for her dress, and a bow in her hair. Katie was a bride from the twenties, who was wearing red and white. (GORGEOUS!!!) I was a housewife from the fifties. UGH. Austin was from the seventies, leather jacket, sunglasses and all. Ashley was a teenager from the 80's with green and orange and purple and black, it was super colorful. Shaun... well he's from this time period, as in he didnt dress up. Lol he said his mom wouldnt let him trick or treat so he didnt see a point in dressing up. Boring or what?(loljk!:) )
We talked for a while then got in line to eat. Kiffyn and I somehow got separated from the group and couldnt find them so we ate in the hallway. When we were done we went back in to the main gym and found them... they all sat at someone elses table, so we felt wierd but sat down anyway.
We had previously gotten a quarter and were all asking someone to get up and ask the kid who dressed as a kissing booth , Katie volunteered and we walked over to where he was. She handed him the quarter and the kid looked like he'd seen a ghost, or his worst nightmare. He blushed then turned away, so Katie asked again, and this time I swear I thought he was about to run! She finally gave up and walked away with all of us, laughing hystericly, in tow.
After dinner the activities begun! they had the all famous bubble wrap dance( idea courtesy of my ahhh-mazing mother), then trick or treating doughnut bobbing, and deserts served. we took pictures, had doughnut bobbing races, and I even got Shaun to do the bubble wrap dance... sorta:D After a while, and all the games were done, Kiffyn and I got separated from the group ... not a coincidence... but we had fun going around hanging out with people for a while.
Before you knew it the whole thing was over, and I was driving back to Kiffyns to change and get my second face off. I went through her closed and found a gorgeous blue long sleeved shirt that was perfect and made my eyes look gorgeous as well. I did my hair and she did hers and we were off on our second adventure of the night. Thats all I'm going to say... you'll have to guess the rest!
My name is Rylea, whats yours?

I fail at life

My exact conversation with my sister not 2 minutes ago...
"Rylea will you help me with the ladder?"
" Mak I'm doing something right now"
" So you cant get up of your lazy *** and do something for once?"
" What?!? My lazy but? Just five minutes ago you wouldn'g get up to let your own dog out when you were what? five feet away?"
" Well I was doing something"
"ya! playing a game!"
"but I couldnt get off it's timed!"
" O.K. so a game is waaaay more important than your dog?"
" Your not a gamer you *** you dont understand!"
" I am DOING SOMETHING!"
" Your a failure! your a LOSER!"
" Your the gamer!"
and I fail at what?"
"LIFE Lazy***"
So I fail at life... because I am a Lazy *** am I appreciated or what? gotta love my family... gotta love my life because I'm not important and I dont do anything worth wile at all. I'm just something here in life to pick and yell at and take out your frustrations on. I'm here as an ugly reminder that you could be so much better than me. No WONDER I HAVE A LOW SELF ESTEEM... wanna know whats funny? She just came in and asked me a favor.. how KIND OF Her.... gotta love holidays

Try... its all you can do

Reach for the sky, though you know in your heart you cant possibly make it, you try because its all you can do. There is no point in hatred is there? Sitting in my room staring at my cieling one fine day( yesterday, at 10 pm... yes I know how I ever wake up in the morning is a mystery even to myself) and I decided that I'd not hate anyone today. Boy was I in for it. But in my time on my bed, and under the stars I did realize many other things too.

1. There is no point in doing nothing

2. How you could deny the church is way beyond me

3. Some people you can't get out of your head no matter how much "soap" you use

4. My family is officially crazy.. not the good kind either

5. My favorite crayon in the box is silver, though my favorite color is yellow

6. I havent had Ice Cream in a LOOOONNNGG time... though thanks to my mia maids leader I have had Cup cakes:D Whoot!

I never realized how much I was disliked, until I tried not to dislike people... there is this new kid in my english clas and he is horrible! I dont even know him and he is always making rude comments about me, and critisizing my every move.... then there are people I dont even know, just giving me dirty looks, and I can guarantee about half of my childs development class wants to kill me... and this girl corina she's a cheerleader and that makes her better than us somehow so she makes fun of me... of course I dont care or listen but...Well anyways I dont know how I'm ever going to get through tomorrow... not that anything bad is going to happen, but.... well.... I cannot wait for the party ! I only get to see Shaun once a week or when we have combined activities... but still NOT ENOUGH! lol
You know what I just realized?My backyard is the most beautiful place in the entirety of las vegas I swear! I went out to take care of it(my grapes, and garden) and I layed down and I swear I could live out there. But then again the only reason I love it is because it reminds me of Iowa. I've been missing Iowa more and more lately, and I dont know why. It nags at me that I cant be there and I miss the little details most of all. I actually wrote an essay about it for english.

Iowa
I looked out the window of the plane carefully assessing the landscape and finally declaring us to be there. All I could see from my window behind the wing was a sliver of land that had changed in the duration of our plane ride from a dull brown, to green. The attendant rang the annoying little bell and announced, “We are now arriving at your destination please be seated and fasten your seat belts.” I continued to read my book, as I had been before, to control the anxious feeling arising inside of me. This summer I went back to Iowa, the place I once knew as my home. It was for me, an unforgettable experience
I walked off the plane ecstatic; I already felt the familiarity of home seeping back into me like drugs dripping into an IV, slowly washing a happy feeling over my body. In Iowa everything is a beautiful shade of either plant green, or a rich brown, the shades of life. Everywhere I looked there was a scene of stunning landscape deserving of a movie to be put into; from the fields of various crops, to the streams, ponds, and looking up, the towering trees and bright blue, beyond gorgeous sky. At first it all felt alien to me because after being in the desolate plain landscape of the desert for a time, I became hyper sensitive to the glorious little details that caught my eye. The plants and wildlife were always around me singing, chirping and buzzing away, whether I noticed them or not. Their birds called loudly to each other, immersing me in the beauteous of their chatter. Mosquitoes hum by unbothered until I found that I’d been bitten and forever notice, and scratch at that undying itch. At night there are fireflies, which I miss most of all. The people there, in Iowa, after repeated exposure to their quiet beauty, are insensitive to their glamour, while I am awestruck at the sight of their graceful glowing patterns.
My family and friends from the past, visit my grandmother’s house constantly, because that’s where we stayed for the duration or our visit. I was repeatedly being told how gorgeous I looked and how much I’d grown, which I tried to casually turn in to they hadn’t seen me through my awkward stages and didn’t know what else to say. Though I enjoyed the attention to an extent, every now and again, I’d end up taking a cousin, aunt, uncle, or friend to the swing to talk. We swung where I had as a child relaying memories, or repeating them from our point of view. While laughing over them, or every now and then crying from missing so much of each other’s lives. That swing became my swing, where I did everything. I had made a journal before I left that I was to write to a friend in, that I could always be found scribbling my thoughts, or describing my day to. I loved the way the shadows played on my paper as the sun shone brilliantly through the trees and the wind brought the smell of life and the sight of leaves and grass dancing gracefully in the wind. It was a place that, for me, begat peace and joy, where I could review the events of my day in beautiful solitude and quiet.
Though in the end I had to leave the place that, over the few weeks I had stayed, became again my home. I learn things in that time, lessons and stories I hope to never forget, and that I hold close and dear to my heart. I learned to look for the beautiful little things that catch my eye and to have time for myself to be able to think things through and get up the courage to believe in myself. As I sat in the plane watching the slow but steady change from green back to brown, I realized I had as well become insensitive to the beautiful little wonders that surround me every day that I set aside, and put on a shelf, never to be seen again. Always remember to look around and see, really see the wonders all around.


You see? I just feel... homesick but I havent lived there for years! why just now do I miss it? Good news! I have all O's and ...almost... straight A's of course that's excusing my C in geometry.... but that doesnt count! hmmmm Today I did the funniest thing! Well you know Purple (katies... favorite crayon in the box) Well we nicknamed The guy she likes purple... but her favorite color is orange... so its her favorite crayon in the box:D so today I got a bag of purple crayons, and handed them to him asking if he knew her and would give them to her:D So her day was brightened after the terrible events of today ... dun Dun DUN! But that is not my story to tell..... so anyways someone said after reading one of my posts, that though I acted like a 4 foot deep pool (not shallow not deep) but that on the inside, i was worth diving into... 20 points this week.. rollovers from last week, not many kind words were said to me this week:( tear! oh well you guys love me! .. reach for the sky!
My name is Rylea... Whats yours!

hugs, homework, and halloween...

hummmm !
I got like a million hugs today from of course my bestest bud Colby, and everyone else too. He seems to be getting better though which is good! He smells flippin amazing! Well this one has got to be short because I have volleyball but I will explain the rest of the title:D Well my fun little list of homework has become a fun HUGE list of homework, I have a project in geometry and a lab in biology. (which means three charts an article and a summary of it, and other fun stuff) then I have the normal bio 1h Hw and the page of Geometry HW , and an english essay that needs to be typed, and memorization on theater for my play a christmas carol and a scene where Im a nun... ya well..... Halloween will be great! Im of course going to the ward christmas party, and then afterwards, the Morrows are having a party( you know my young womens leaders and her son....s:D) I dont know what I'm going to dress like... soo any suggestions? lol Last year at Girls camp sister Morrow said she wished she had a daughter so I volunteered.. At first we planned some mother daughter stuff she couldnt do with her boys, and I called her mom, but it ended up not working out because of our schedules.... I love her anyway! Well volleyball is going to start soon so I got to go!
My name is Rylea... Whats yours?

I got my dance

I got my dance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and about wait let me count....7 hugs:D lol I hugged Colby about a million though. Colby went into surgery on Monday. His birthday was yesterday(Teusday) and Katie, Talia ,and I Sang him happy birthday to him at his house after play practice. He said we sounded amazing , but I just feel so bad for him! Colby has Crohn's disease and it is worse then they thought. He's supposed to come to school tomorrow, but they'll see. I hope so I can hug him again:DPlay practice is going AHHHMAZING! I love the people, the play, and the music. Monday we did the read through, got our schedules and heard the songs for the first time. Teusday we worked on a few songs, and today we did too. I got a ride home with the amazing Libby Bakke who turned out to be a lot like me. She really is cool. We made a rap out of the song dancing on your grave. Its hilarious! Well more info on Saturday...
Nyka came over and convinced me that she didnt have a boyfriend(which isn't true) we got ready for the dance, Nyka looking gorgeous as usual. I felt like crap and really didnt want to go so she started a Shpiel about how her life is horrible and how her family doesnt love her... which confused me because I had no idea how it related at all to the dance or me looking ugly... anyone get it? Well we waited a while and left for the church Makenna yelling at me the entire way to shut up because I was singing to a song on the radio. Dad let her drive, so she was doing the whole cliche " DONT MAKE ME TURN THIS CAR AROUND! CAUSE I WILL!" with my less famous rebuttle " you arent my parent, and just because dad let you drive doesnt mean your in control of everything in the car" haha well we got to the church with everyone fawning over Nyka (she really doesnt go to dances often) So I went to my other group and started dancing. The whole gang was there, even Brandon, and it was decorated and we had a great DJ, so it was fun. The first slow song I asked Shaun and of course he said yes. Nyka went to the other side of the room, or something (or I was just caught up in the person I was dancing with...) and I got to talk to Shaun for the first time in a while. I hugged Colby a million times and danced like none other(cause thats how I roll at dances:D)Madi was my favorite dance parter for the fast dances:D lol I got three slow dances, one with Shaun, one with Dallin(well im not going to turn him down, and he is my friend and a nice kid) and one with a guy that I will never remember the name of:D he is really cool though, I met him at homecoming:D Shaun danced with Nyka twice... I think he likes her again... and just when I thought I had a chance!Well I dont blame him, she like loved him for a long time, and he liked her for a while too. That and she is amazingly gorgeous in comparison to me... lol The only thing that bugs me is at the end all she could talk about was how Shaun was all over her...which is so unlike him! She knows that I like him, and she made him sound... not like Shaun not like him at all! She said his hands kept getting lower down her back and he was pulling her closer... but he wouldnt do that! UGH that and lying to me about having a boyfriend... she's changed! she would've never done that to me before she moved... hmp.... People change I guess
haha P.S. I cut my hair today.. No I cut it... in my bathroom:D it actually looks good! I was amazed:P
My name is Rylea... Whats yours?

WHOOT!

SHADOW RIDGE HOMECOMING!
we lost 0 to 48 but I got a t-shirt and a mini-football:D The floats were amazing and it was way fun! Ian even got homecoming king:D
My name is Rylea whats yours?

One more blow to my self esteem

Sometimes getting your hopes up hurts more than just expecting the worst. I wish I was a pessimist right now. Auditions for the play were this Monday. I got call backs which were on Wednesday and I sang, danced, and acted to the best of my ability trying to get the best part that I could. I thought I did pretty well! I was exited beyond nothing else and had a great time doing all of it. This morning was torture, I couldnt pay attention in my classes and I was ansey to just find out what part I got. I knew deep down that it wasnt going to be amazing and I did get a speaking part, but when you have these hopes for a part and all week people have been telling me that I was amazing and that I was going to get them it kind of ... hurt when I found out that my best friends got the part that I wanted... the songs I loved and the people I wanted to play. Katie got 2 of the parts I wanted! They're gorgeous talented singers, her and Talia and I shouldnt have expected more but I did and it sucks to know that I worked so hard to get those parts and what seemed effortless to them was so hard for me. In the end I recieved 9 parts. 2to 4 of them are speaking parts and all of the rest are walking around in the backround in a costume. I recieved, Ghost acolyte 3, Scrooge when he's 8, Grace Smythe, Fezzywig's party goer, want, gv, jailer, creditor, and Fan. Fan is Scrooges little dead sister, and Grace Smythe is the daughter of the man whose wife just died, and begs scrooge to help him so he can pay for her funeral costs. Want is a scrawny almost dead child who represents all things bad in the world. I have NO idea what a gv or a ghost acolyte is, and a fezzywig's party goer is just someone who dances or walks around in the backround when scrooge is in the past im guessing thats what jailors and creditors do too.... DONT GET ME WRONG im happy with my part...s.... but I feel like I did really good and I guess I built myself up so much and I wanted those parts SO bad! I just dont know.... But I am so happy for Talia and Katie because I knew that they would both get the good parts anyway...They are always sooo amazing and can sing and act and well... I think theyre about as kind and pretty and perfect as it gets.
Wednesday was a nightmare. It made me want to crawl under a rock and never come out. We were playing indoor soccer and I hurt my knee by sliding into a wall, and Austin accidently kicked my ankle but thats not even close to the part that hurt the most. Joe didnt want to come to the activity in the first place and now that I'm not blind I see why. They tease him. It's not just the Young Men either! Its the LEADERS! THE LEADERS!!!! I cant believe I didnt see it before. He got hit with the ball in the jaw and fell and the leaders teased him.. the young men laughed but the leaders where the ones that were teasing him. HE WAS ON THE FLOOR CRYING! and all they could do was laugh about his inablility to walk without falling, or stop hurting him self accidentaly( a problem I also have) and he was in pain.... that got to me because that is exactly the reason Makenna says she fell away from the church and it seems that there is no hope for my family anymore... like I'm the only one who cares about anything important anymore. I am a stranger in my own home. Of course once you finally see something you see it everywhere so all I could think about was how everyone was making fun of me especially my "best friends." They teased me about EVERYTHING and I used to block it out and not say anything but they started getting to me, the little jabs about volleyball and diving and tripping over my own feet , or saying something stupid. It made me feel inferior I realized just because I dont look for little faults and couldnt call on anyone's faults but my own in that group that it made me feel like I was just there as someone for them to pick on. Its stupid I know these are my friends and they are just teasing, and not meaning it but it made me pick on myself and all my little problems. It made me feel inferior to them it made me feel like crap! Like I never want to go to an activity again... It made me feel horrible and I didnt want to be there at all. My world was crumbling beneath my feet and IT was coming in, I gave the devil a chance to get me and he took advantage of it let me tell you. I cried myself to sleep that night for the first time in a long time.
Sometimes the little things add up to one big blob, not getting the "perfect" part , noticing the teasing I was once immune to and just being piled with so much homework and drama that it feels like I'm drowning. Where can I turn for peace? Who will tell me that I'm pretty. You notice when guys like your friends and you can tell! but no one likes me! Do you think its because they tease me ? or because they make sure to pick at the things that hurt when the guy you like is RIGHT THERE.... who knows
My name is Rylea... Whats yours?

Someone help me! I'm drowning in air... Iwill talk more tomorrow good night

Who do you trust?

I was looking at her... trying to help her up... and she decided the ones that pushed her down were the ones who told her the truth....

Who can you trust when you cant trust your friends?

I had a great day,Rylea therapy can do wonders:D
Since I havent told you what that is yet....
If you know me you know that I was a gymnast for a few years until we ran out of money and couldnt do it anymore. It is still my passion andon the rare occasion that I have time to myself. that time is spent jumping, flipping, and flying in my backyard on my trampoline. I dont know why but it helps me relax and sort things out in my head. Lately I have been doing it every day though I dont have the time... I need that ME time to sort out the drama that comes with high school life. I work on my old skills, and though it frustrates me that I dont have all of them, I still love the feeling of flying through the air. If you havent or cant experience it you dont know life... It is the best feeling in the world, your in control of your fate, your every movement in sync with nature.
So that was what took up my afternoon... besides this guy at my house being way perverted to me (no comment) and cussing and putting down my religion . Well thats Makenna's friends for you.
So I hope you find something that frees you and makes you feel real...
My name is Rylea whats yours?

How small I feel...

I think in a little way I understand why Jesus did it. Why he died for us. I feel like I want to take on all the pain and suffering of my friends, help them overcome thier problems, so they dont have to deal with it. Sometimes your the only person someone has and you just want to intervine and go to where they are, give them a hug and get them back on thier feet. At times you want to just help them... and you can't. No matter how much I want to help them, there is nothing I can do, my power has been stripped from me, and I rely on the promises heavenly father gave me to get them back on thier feet. But right now one has fallen in a hole, and I alone am not strong enough to pull them out, not strong enough to save them... not alone. It got me thinking. How many people would I do that for? How many would I hold onto no matter how much it hurt me, how much pain I would go through for them each? Would I let go of anyone? Who would do that for me?There is always someone holding onto your rope, pulling for you, helping you up, I want to be the one to pull them out of the hole, I never ever want to push someone into a hole they can't be pulled out of. Pain is just a thing I will have to endure. In their time of need some people make others fall. I will try not to EVER make someone even trip, because someone pushed me into a hole.
Everyday there are little stresses tripping us up, making us hurt but it's never to hard to pull yourself up if you have someone helping. You have to try though. You cant stay down forever.
Today was a great day:D Its just hard sometimes when your friends are down...
My name is Rylea whats yours?

LOL! i decided to give you a laugh:D

Thought you needed a giggle:D The funniest jokes are the clean ones ! "A cheerful heart is good medicine" (Prov. 17:22)

Moses, Jesus, and an old man were playing a round of golf. Behind the green on the 8th hole was a fairly large pond. The three men had progressed to the 8th hole and Moses steps up and tees off first. His shot goes directly into the middle of the pond. Moses then walks up to the pond and parts the waters and chips in for an easy birdie. Jesus then tees off and also drives his shot into the pond. Jesus then walks on the water to where his ball lays and chips in for birdie. The old man then steps up and hits a towering shot that is heading for the pond. Just before the ball hits the water a fish jumps and swallows the ball. Out of nowhere an eagle flies in and grabs the fish with his talons and flies to the green and drops the fish onto the green. The fish then spits up the ball and it rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one. After observing this Jesus sighs, looks at Moses and says, "That is why I hate playing golf with Dad."





Jesus was teaching teaching people one day when the Pharisees brought a woman to Him and said, "... this woman was taken in adultery. Moses in the law commanded that such should be stoned what sayest thou?." Jesus then wrote in the stone and said, " He who is without sin, let him first cast a stone at her." Just then a stone fell from the sky and hit the woman in the head knocking her out. Then Jesus looked up and said, " Oh come on dad I was just trying to prove a point!"





After a hardy rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddle through her kitchen window.The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hole.As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother runs to the yard in a panic.' Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?!' she asks as she shook the older boy in anger'We were just playing 'church' mommy, ' he said.'And I was just baptizing him.....in the name of the Father, the Son and in...the hole-he-goes.'





A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years before. Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Friday, and his wife was flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel, and unlike years ago, there was a computer in his room, and he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without noticing his error, sent the email to the wrong address. Meanwhile...somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory after suffering a heart attack. The widow decided to check her mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and then fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and then glanced up and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I have Arrived!

Dearest Love: I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send email to your loved ones. I have just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow, and look forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. PS: Sure is freaking hot down here…



I was testing the children in my Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them,'If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, Would that get me into Heaven?''NO!' the children answered.'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?' Again, the answer was, 'NO!'By now I was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun!'Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?' I asked them again. Again, they all answered, 'NO!' I was just bursting with pride for them. 'Well,' I continued, 'then how can I get into Heaven?' A five-year-old boy shouted out, 'YOU GOTTA BE DEAD.'



A new bishop was visiting the homes in the ward. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door. The following Sunday he found that his card had been returned under his office door. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10." Reaching for his Bible to check out the verse, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."



LOL! So if you were wondering , I did write a few days ago, but it took me a ton of time to write and then my computer deleted it... no drafts were saved either:( but thats o.k. ! It wasnt about anything improtant:D But I have been hesitant to write for fear it would again be deleted.

We have volleyball today at church. Our team is getting pretty good! Ashley, Katie, and I have it down, and Jenika and Whitney are learning amazingly fast! austrey is trying and I'm so glad that she is! sometimes it seems like the rest of our team doesnt want to be there, at all... but thats o.k. they showed up it must mean something to them. I am extremely happy for them!
I understand Geometry now, so thats a relief, and I'm up to a C in that class, so I'm happy:D though it still nags at me that it's not a 100% A+ I will survive!
I got my project turned in for Publications and it is HILARIOUS!!! haha I hooked Juno up with Grumpy:D LOL! So give me comments! Tell me your story, just talk to me:D I will happily listen:D
My name is Rylea, Whats yours?

Road maps, life plans, and important questions

What kind of road map do we have? On this road we are on, what kind of directions are there? We have a conscience, like stop-lights telling us when we need to stop for red, and maybe even turn back, to fix the problems we have created, slow for yellow, and think about what we've done wrong, and green for a good chioce. But is there anything telling us where to go? Are we blind to the way tomorrow will be? I dont believe so, I know the plan that has been set for me to a point. No matter what happens I know I have the opportunity to make the right choice, so why do some people choose to do what is wrong? Do we need a rule book instructing us on what is o.k. to do, and what is good? I believe that people are good truly on the inside, but that some people made a wrong turn, or had one made for them. Some people think that they will be pushed in the right direction without any effort on thier part. Sometimes I think that people only do the wrong, because the right, wouldnt upset anyone. Because someone upset them, they need to upset someone back. Like it's there job to get back at them. But sometimes its not thier choice. Sometimes something bigger than anyone, and everything interferes. Some things are not in our hands.Some things, we dont know which road to take unless we ask. I'm asking are you?
My name is Rylea, whats yours?

Today

Today -main events and things that just randomly pop into my head as i write:D

Seminary was fun this morning, we talked abut Mark 1:1-23 and how it's shorthand for whats been going on in Matthew. The guys... Robby, Spencer Steven, Scott, and Collin talked about Nacho Libre... a movie I have never seen though it sounded funny. Tyler wasnt there today so I sat next to Eryn she is the awesomest!As a class(once the boys quieted :D) we talked about how the people who didnt believe in Christ at the time tried to prove him wrong, and how some people were so desperate for his help that they tore off the roof of the place he was staying, which was jam packed with people. Jesus then healed a man sick of the Palsy, and the scribes, though they witnessed it happen, still didn't believe. Were trying to learn Matthew 6:24 for scripture mastery let me see if i got it.. correct me if I'm wrong.

"No man can serve to masters for either he will love the one and hate the other, or else he will hold to the one and despise the other, ye cannot serve god and mammon."

HA! yes I got it! and I didnt even look ! I promise:D We got out and as usual the other class hadn't got out yet so I walked the long way,and looked up at the clouds, it was AHHHMAZING! they were perfect, with the sky so very blue, in contrast with the steeple, and the clouds brilliant white.

2nd period rolled around since it's an even day today, and I did the normal biology routine, came in with Austrey, grabbed my warm-up, got out my notes, turned in my homework, and did the warmup questions. I had just turned in my warmup, when an aide walked in with about 7 request to see the councellor forms. I crossed my fingers, grabbed the edge of the table, and closed my eyes. Austrey looked at me with I'm sorry eyes, and I knew it was over but a girl could hope cant she? she called my name 2nd to last, and I couldnt explain my emotion... I was upset that I was getting transferred out of my only class with Austrey, Eric, and Spencer, but I was exited, I love surprises, and I knew it was an opportunity to meet new people and a chance to prove to myself that nothing was that bad, so I got the paper from the counselor, and walked in a melancholy manner back up to 2nd period biology for the last time. Mrs. Bumgarner signed the sheet and I turned around, looking for the last time at Spencer and Austrey, she gave me a "Good luck" look and spencer gave me a "Sorry,but its not sooo bad" look... I gave the best "I'm ok im brave look that I could," to both of them, and walked out. I couldnt seem to get the knot out of my stomach, the aching you get, when your anxious for something new.
I found the substitute for my new gym teacher in the main gym, getting ready to call roll. I gave him the sheet and asked him to sign it, only then looking around to realize I had Tara with me. I smiled, this couldnt be so bad. As I walked back to the counselor, a sigh escaped me. This would be O.K. I realized. I knew someone, I wasn't alone. I asked a few questions then walked back to gym class. I caught myself smiling every now and then, thinking , this isn't so bad, what if I have someone cool in my next class too. I dressed out and got to the track, walking a lap looking for Tara, then realizing she was on the bleachers, sitting next to her while everyone else walked. I wanted to run ,but Ididnt want to go alone , and because Tara had a concussion recently, she couldn't come with me. So we talked, about the boys she likes and the boys I like until it was time to go in the gym. I played with Katherine and a pretty horrible ball until it was time to go change. It felt good to get my clothes back on and Tara tried to steal my Sunchips. So I had to keep stealing them back until the end of the period.
I got to biology H for the second time that day, and sat down in my old spot, the butterflys returning. I watched as students trickled in looking for a farmiliar face, searching, when Caitlin walked in *Whew! someone I know, then a miracle, Austin walked in! YES!!! Someone that I've known for forever!I was soooo exited that I had a friend I could've jumped up and hugged him right then and there but that would've appeared strange, I mean c'mon were in a 9th grade class, that doesn't exactly know what maturity is yet.so I held in my hug for the time being and instead smiled as big as I could manage without murdering my lips by way of braces. Before class I talked to him and Caitlin for a few minutes, Austin somehow deluded himself into thinking that the kid next to him liked me, but I didnt believe him, and before he could argue, we started taking notes on the skeletal system, then watching a movie about a little girl named Lisa breaking her arm... I wanted to throw up, I have a pretty high pain threshold when it comes to myself but its torture watching, even someone I dont know, in pain. How sad is that? We started another movie, and the bell rang so Austin, and I walked down to Lunch.
Emily, Ashley, Connor, Tyler, Katie, Colby, Chaura, and Hailey sat with us, with Tara coming over on occasion to greet us. We laughed though lunch talking about a book they were reading as if it were a soap opera, Colby made a mistake and said no one above the age of 15 could see it, though they made it a rated R movie. Someone then had the genius idea to start poking people... If you've ever seen me squeel, you know its not a pretty sight, and I was doing it repeatedly.
We walked to English (Austin's now in that class too:D) and we almost had to run to catch up to him. McShea was funny as usual, though we were taking notes on Essay structure, which weren't too bad. Emily sent me"mini-notes"in which she tore off a small piece of paper then drew what a paper looks like on them.. its very cute I must say. I decided her new nickname was Em, because that matches her personality very well. English was over quickly, and I walked with Em and Austin to Geometry, talking about our schedule changes or something, i gave them both a hug and walked off to Geometry.
I sat down and took out a pencil, and my notebook, but had to clear them off as soon as the bell rang, because Robicheau told us through his interrogation of Madi (who got all of the answers last period in English)that we had a quiz today. It was on if;then statements and biconditionals, and stuff like that. We turned that in with a sigh of relief and got out notes. He was exited that I did my flashcards because I got an answer right because of them and he asked if I wanted to sit up front, and I denied him:D We got the homework and started it. Justin asked me a question on every problem ,and the girl that sits in front of him(it starts with a K I can never get it right) other than that I sat waiting for the bell to ring and practically ran down the steps to the bus. I was burning up!
I caught Ashley and we walked to the bus, after talking to Connor for a second, then sat across from eachother on the bus. I helped her with her English homework. We unloaded with a polite "Have a great day" and we walked home.
Yesterday's history tomorrow's a mystery, today is a gift thats why its called the present
My name is Rylea, Whats yours?

welcome:D september 29th

On the road to finding out who you are what kind of transportation do you use? Do you choose to ride in a car, secluded from the world as you watch from a safe distance the outside world with all of its hardships and trials speeding by, bloking the bad completely from your mind, not enjoying your life, just living it. Do you ride a bike?Where you can go as fast as you need, to escape from the things you dont like, but you can still feel the winds of change, cool on your skin, and smell the sweet flowers as you pass. Though you still cant touch them, or really get into them. Are you running? Going just fast enough to rush by the restraints holding us back, feeling the adrenaline rush through your body, looking toward the future for comfort, knowing that someday it will all be o.k.Or do you chose to walk? Feeling everything around you, learning by the details, living for today, smelling the flowers on the road you've chosen. You see the cars pass and you let the bike riders by, but you never regret your decision of staying on the path you chose , you can feel the winds, and smell the flowers, but you can also dance in the rain, and fly in the wind, picking the flowers to put in your hair. Are you one who sit? Not moving forward, but holding on to the past, wishing it were here unstead of making today what you want it to be. you shield yourself from the wind and rain, you pay no attention to those walking, running or riding, all you want is for you to be happy.
I know who I am, in the sense of I know all of the little details about me. What I have done seen, felt, experienced, and loved. I know my favorite color, food,subjects, and music, but what does all that add up to? I know all I need to know.I'd like to think that I would walk, if given a choice but it seems for now I'm running.
My name is Rylea whats yours?