Saturday, November 1, 2008
Sometimes crying isnt enough. Seriously! What did I do to deserve this! I've tried so hard but I cannot make ANYTHING right! I need somewhere where nothing can ever go wrong. One place where I'm not saying the wrong thing or being harrassed by everyone! where I dont look completely horrible all the time! where something finally goes right!!!! I want to have a place that the world cant catch up to me... I need a new family, new faces, new landscape new everything! If your wondering Makenna is horrifyingly good at making me feel so horrible and mean and ugly and inhuman if you havent noticed. I need someone counteracting that.. I need a hug! anyone? I knew there wouldnt be.
Halloween Haunts:D
Halloween was not what I expected, though I had a ton of fun anyways:D
I got dressed up in an outfit intending me to look like someone from the fifties... A housewife is what it turned into. I had so much makeup on my face I felt gross, and the apron was tied to tight so it was choking me. But despite my costume malfunctions, I still went looking forward to the nights activities at the ward party.
I was there second, only beat by the Abbots. Katie looked Drop dead gorgeous and Her mom looked absolutely regal! Thier dad had a long wig and a hat, so he made me laugh as well. I didnt even want to think about how I looked next to her, so I decided I'd make an excuse and go somewhere else until everyone else came. I walked into the gym looking around for something to do and fell into a fit of laughter when Brandon walked up to me. He was dressed as an old woman and his mom was dressed as an old man! Hilarity !! I promise to upload pictures as soon as I get them.
After a while everyone trickled in and to my surprise and dismay, they all looked almost as good as katie.. no witches, goblins or goons to boost my self-esteem in any way. Actually , as a funny considence we were all dressed from a different time period. Kiffyn was a cave woman, an absolutely cute one, with zebra fabric for her dress, and a bow in her hair. Katie was a bride from the twenties, who was wearing red and white. (GORGEOUS!!!) I was a housewife from the fifties. UGH. Austin was from the seventies, leather jacket, sunglasses and all. Ashley was a teenager from the 80's with green and orange and purple and black, it was super colorful. Shaun... well he's from this time period, as in he didnt dress up. Lol he said his mom wouldnt let him trick or treat so he didnt see a point in dressing up. Boring or what?(loljk!:) )
We talked for a while then got in line to eat. Kiffyn and I somehow got separated from the group and couldnt find them so we ate in the hallway. When we were done we went back in to the main gym and found them... they all sat at someone elses table, so we felt wierd but sat down anyway.
We had previously gotten a quarter and were all asking someone to get up and ask the kid who dressed as a kissing booth , Katie volunteered and we walked over to where he was. She handed him the quarter and the kid looked like he'd seen a ghost, or his worst nightmare. He blushed then turned away, so Katie asked again, and this time I swear I thought he was about to run! She finally gave up and walked away with all of us, laughing hystericly, in tow.
After dinner the activities begun! they had the all famous bubble wrap dance( idea courtesy of my ahhh-mazing mother), then trick or treating doughnut bobbing, and deserts served. we took pictures, had doughnut bobbing races, and I even got Shaun to do the bubble wrap dance... sorta:D After a while, and all the games were done, Kiffyn and I got separated from the group ... not a coincidence... but we had fun going around hanging out with people for a while.
Before you knew it the whole thing was over, and I was driving back to Kiffyns to change and get my second face off. I went through her closed and found a gorgeous blue long sleeved shirt that was perfect and made my eyes look gorgeous as well. I did my hair and she did hers and we were off on our second adventure of the night. Thats all I'm going to say... you'll have to guess the rest!
My name is Rylea, whats yours?
I got dressed up in an outfit intending me to look like someone from the fifties... A housewife is what it turned into. I had so much makeup on my face I felt gross, and the apron was tied to tight so it was choking me. But despite my costume malfunctions, I still went looking forward to the nights activities at the ward party.
I was there second, only beat by the Abbots. Katie looked Drop dead gorgeous and Her mom looked absolutely regal! Thier dad had a long wig and a hat, so he made me laugh as well. I didnt even want to think about how I looked next to her, so I decided I'd make an excuse and go somewhere else until everyone else came. I walked into the gym looking around for something to do and fell into a fit of laughter when Brandon walked up to me. He was dressed as an old woman and his mom was dressed as an old man! Hilarity !! I promise to upload pictures as soon as I get them.
After a while everyone trickled in and to my surprise and dismay, they all looked almost as good as katie.. no witches, goblins or goons to boost my self-esteem in any way. Actually , as a funny considence we were all dressed from a different time period. Kiffyn was a cave woman, an absolutely cute one, with zebra fabric for her dress, and a bow in her hair. Katie was a bride from the twenties, who was wearing red and white. (GORGEOUS!!!) I was a housewife from the fifties. UGH. Austin was from the seventies, leather jacket, sunglasses and all. Ashley was a teenager from the 80's with green and orange and purple and black, it was super colorful. Shaun... well he's from this time period, as in he didnt dress up. Lol he said his mom wouldnt let him trick or treat so he didnt see a point in dressing up. Boring or what?(loljk!:) )
We talked for a while then got in line to eat. Kiffyn and I somehow got separated from the group and couldnt find them so we ate in the hallway. When we were done we went back in to the main gym and found them... they all sat at someone elses table, so we felt wierd but sat down anyway.
We had previously gotten a quarter and were all asking someone to get up and ask the kid who dressed as a kissing booth , Katie volunteered and we walked over to where he was. She handed him the quarter and the kid looked like he'd seen a ghost, or his worst nightmare. He blushed then turned away, so Katie asked again, and this time I swear I thought he was about to run! She finally gave up and walked away with all of us, laughing hystericly, in tow.
After dinner the activities begun! they had the all famous bubble wrap dance( idea courtesy of my ahhh-mazing mother), then trick or treating doughnut bobbing, and deserts served. we took pictures, had doughnut bobbing races, and I even got Shaun to do the bubble wrap dance... sorta:D After a while, and all the games were done, Kiffyn and I got separated from the group ... not a coincidence... but we had fun going around hanging out with people for a while.
Before you knew it the whole thing was over, and I was driving back to Kiffyns to change and get my second face off. I went through her closed and found a gorgeous blue long sleeved shirt that was perfect and made my eyes look gorgeous as well. I did my hair and she did hers and we were off on our second adventure of the night. Thats all I'm going to say... you'll have to guess the rest!
My name is Rylea, whats yours?
Friday, October 31, 2008
I fail at life
My exact conversation with my sister not 2 minutes ago...
"Rylea will you help me with the ladder?"
" Mak I'm doing something right now"
" So you cant get up of your lazy *** and do something for once?"
" What?!? My lazy but? Just five minutes ago you wouldn'g get up to let your own dog out when you were what? five feet away?"
" Well I was doing something"
"ya! playing a game!"
"but I couldnt get off it's timed!"
" O.K. so a game is waaaay more important than your dog?"
" Your not a gamer you *** you dont understand!"
" I am DOING SOMETHING!"
" Your a failure! your a LOSER!"
" Your the gamer!"
and I fail at what?"
"LIFE Lazy***"
So I fail at life... because I am a Lazy *** am I appreciated or what? gotta love my family... gotta love my life because I'm not important and I dont do anything worth wile at all. I'm just something here in life to pick and yell at and take out your frustrations on. I'm here as an ugly reminder that you could be so much better than me. No WONDER I HAVE A LOW SELF ESTEEM... wanna know whats funny? She just came in and asked me a favor.. how KIND OF Her.... gotta love holidays
"Rylea will you help me with the ladder?"
" Mak I'm doing something right now"
" So you cant get up of your lazy *** and do something for once?"
" What?!? My lazy but? Just five minutes ago you wouldn'g get up to let your own dog out when you were what? five feet away?"
" Well I was doing something"
"ya! playing a game!"
"but I couldnt get off it's timed!"
" O.K. so a game is waaaay more important than your dog?"
" Your not a gamer you *** you dont understand!"
" I am DOING SOMETHING!"
" Your a failure! your a LOSER!"
" Your the gamer!"
and I fail at what?"
"LIFE Lazy***"
So I fail at life... because I am a Lazy *** am I appreciated or what? gotta love my family... gotta love my life because I'm not important and I dont do anything worth wile at all. I'm just something here in life to pick and yell at and take out your frustrations on. I'm here as an ugly reminder that you could be so much better than me. No WONDER I HAVE A LOW SELF ESTEEM... wanna know whats funny? She just came in and asked me a favor.. how KIND OF Her.... gotta love holidays
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Try... its all you can do
Reach for the sky, though you know in your heart you cant possibly make it, you try because its all you can do. There is no point in hatred is there? Sitting in my room staring at my cieling one fine day( yesterday, at 10 pm... yes I know how I ever wake up in the morning is a mystery even to myself) and I decided that I'd not hate anyone today. Boy was I in for it. But in my time on my bed, and under the stars I did realize many other things too.
1. There is no point in doing nothing
2. How you could deny the church is way beyond me
3. Some people you can't get out of your head no matter how much "soap" you use
4. My family is officially crazy.. not the good kind either
5. My favorite crayon in the box is silver, though my favorite color is yellow
6. I havent had Ice Cream in a LOOOONNNGG time... though thanks to my mia maids leader I have had Cup cakes:D Whoot!
I never realized how much I was disliked, until I tried not to dislike people... there is this new kid in my english clas and he is horrible! I dont even know him and he is always making rude comments about me, and critisizing my every move.... then there are people I dont even know, just giving me dirty looks, and I can guarantee about half of my childs development class wants to kill me... and this girl corina she's a cheerleader and that makes her better than us somehow so she makes fun of me... of course I dont care or listen but...Well anyways I dont know how I'm ever going to get through tomorrow... not that anything bad is going to happen, but.... well.... I cannot wait for the party ! I only get to see Shaun once a week or when we have combined activities... but still NOT ENOUGH! lol
You know what I just realized?My backyard is the most beautiful place in the entirety of las vegas I swear! I went out to take care of it(my grapes, and garden) and I layed down and I swear I could live out there. But then again the only reason I love it is because it reminds me of Iowa. I've been missing Iowa more and more lately, and I dont know why. It nags at me that I cant be there and I miss the little details most of all. I actually wrote an essay about it for english.
Iowa
I looked out the window of the plane carefully assessing the landscape and finally declaring us to be there. All I could see from my window behind the wing was a sliver of land that had changed in the duration of our plane ride from a dull brown, to green. The attendant rang the annoying little bell and announced, “We are now arriving at your destination please be seated and fasten your seat belts.” I continued to read my book, as I had been before, to control the anxious feeling arising inside of me. This summer I went back to Iowa, the place I once knew as my home. It was for me, an unforgettable experience
I walked off the plane ecstatic; I already felt the familiarity of home seeping back into me like drugs dripping into an IV, slowly washing a happy feeling over my body. In Iowa everything is a beautiful shade of either plant green, or a rich brown, the shades of life. Everywhere I looked there was a scene of stunning landscape deserving of a movie to be put into; from the fields of various crops, to the streams, ponds, and looking up, the towering trees and bright blue, beyond gorgeous sky. At first it all felt alien to me because after being in the desolate plain landscape of the desert for a time, I became hyper sensitive to the glorious little details that caught my eye. The plants and wildlife were always around me singing, chirping and buzzing away, whether I noticed them or not. Their birds called loudly to each other, immersing me in the beauteous of their chatter. Mosquitoes hum by unbothered until I found that I’d been bitten and forever notice, and scratch at that undying itch. At night there are fireflies, which I miss most of all. The people there, in Iowa, after repeated exposure to their quiet beauty, are insensitive to their glamour, while I am awestruck at the sight of their graceful glowing patterns.
My family and friends from the past, visit my grandmother’s house constantly, because that’s where we stayed for the duration or our visit. I was repeatedly being told how gorgeous I looked and how much I’d grown, which I tried to casually turn in to they hadn’t seen me through my awkward stages and didn’t know what else to say. Though I enjoyed the attention to an extent, every now and again, I’d end up taking a cousin, aunt, uncle, or friend to the swing to talk. We swung where I had as a child relaying memories, or repeating them from our point of view. While laughing over them, or every now and then crying from missing so much of each other’s lives. That swing became my swing, where I did everything. I had made a journal before I left that I was to write to a friend in, that I could always be found scribbling my thoughts, or describing my day to. I loved the way the shadows played on my paper as the sun shone brilliantly through the trees and the wind brought the smell of life and the sight of leaves and grass dancing gracefully in the wind. It was a place that, for me, begat peace and joy, where I could review the events of my day in beautiful solitude and quiet.
Though in the end I had to leave the place that, over the few weeks I had stayed, became again my home. I learn things in that time, lessons and stories I hope to never forget, and that I hold close and dear to my heart. I learned to look for the beautiful little things that catch my eye and to have time for myself to be able to think things through and get up the courage to believe in myself. As I sat in the plane watching the slow but steady change from green back to brown, I realized I had as well become insensitive to the beautiful little wonders that surround me every day that I set aside, and put on a shelf, never to be seen again. Always remember to look around and see, really see the wonders all around.
You see? I just feel... homesick but I havent lived there for years! why just now do I miss it? Good news! I have all O's and ...almost... straight A's of course that's excusing my C in geometry.... but that doesnt count! hmmmm Today I did the funniest thing! Well you know Purple (katies... favorite crayon in the box) Well we nicknamed The guy she likes purple... but her favorite color is orange... so its her favorite crayon in the box:D so today I got a bag of purple crayons, and handed them to him asking if he knew her and would give them to her:D So her day was brightened after the terrible events of today ... dun Dun DUN! But that is not my story to tell..... so anyways someone said after reading one of my posts, that though I acted like a 4 foot deep pool (not shallow not deep) but that on the inside, i was worth diving into... 20 points this week.. rollovers from last week, not many kind words were said to me this week:( tear! oh well you guys love me! .. reach for the sky!
My name is Rylea... Whats yours!
1. There is no point in doing nothing
2. How you could deny the church is way beyond me
3. Some people you can't get out of your head no matter how much "soap" you use
4. My family is officially crazy.. not the good kind either
5. My favorite crayon in the box is silver, though my favorite color is yellow
6. I havent had Ice Cream in a LOOOONNNGG time... though thanks to my mia maids leader I have had Cup cakes:D Whoot!
I never realized how much I was disliked, until I tried not to dislike people... there is this new kid in my english clas and he is horrible! I dont even know him and he is always making rude comments about me, and critisizing my every move.... then there are people I dont even know, just giving me dirty looks, and I can guarantee about half of my childs development class wants to kill me... and this girl corina she's a cheerleader and that makes her better than us somehow so she makes fun of me... of course I dont care or listen but...Well anyways I dont know how I'm ever going to get through tomorrow... not that anything bad is going to happen, but.... well.... I cannot wait for the party ! I only get to see Shaun once a week or when we have combined activities... but still NOT ENOUGH! lol
You know what I just realized?My backyard is the most beautiful place in the entirety of las vegas I swear! I went out to take care of it(my grapes, and garden) and I layed down and I swear I could live out there. But then again the only reason I love it is because it reminds me of Iowa. I've been missing Iowa more and more lately, and I dont know why. It nags at me that I cant be there and I miss the little details most of all. I actually wrote an essay about it for english.
Iowa
I looked out the window of the plane carefully assessing the landscape and finally declaring us to be there. All I could see from my window behind the wing was a sliver of land that had changed in the duration of our plane ride from a dull brown, to green. The attendant rang the annoying little bell and announced, “We are now arriving at your destination please be seated and fasten your seat belts.” I continued to read my book, as I had been before, to control the anxious feeling arising inside of me. This summer I went back to Iowa, the place I once knew as my home. It was for me, an unforgettable experience
I walked off the plane ecstatic; I already felt the familiarity of home seeping back into me like drugs dripping into an IV, slowly washing a happy feeling over my body. In Iowa everything is a beautiful shade of either plant green, or a rich brown, the shades of life. Everywhere I looked there was a scene of stunning landscape deserving of a movie to be put into; from the fields of various crops, to the streams, ponds, and looking up, the towering trees and bright blue, beyond gorgeous sky. At first it all felt alien to me because after being in the desolate plain landscape of the desert for a time, I became hyper sensitive to the glorious little details that caught my eye. The plants and wildlife were always around me singing, chirping and buzzing away, whether I noticed them or not. Their birds called loudly to each other, immersing me in the beauteous of their chatter. Mosquitoes hum by unbothered until I found that I’d been bitten and forever notice, and scratch at that undying itch. At night there are fireflies, which I miss most of all. The people there, in Iowa, after repeated exposure to their quiet beauty, are insensitive to their glamour, while I am awestruck at the sight of their graceful glowing patterns.
My family and friends from the past, visit my grandmother’s house constantly, because that’s where we stayed for the duration or our visit. I was repeatedly being told how gorgeous I looked and how much I’d grown, which I tried to casually turn in to they hadn’t seen me through my awkward stages and didn’t know what else to say. Though I enjoyed the attention to an extent, every now and again, I’d end up taking a cousin, aunt, uncle, or friend to the swing to talk. We swung where I had as a child relaying memories, or repeating them from our point of view. While laughing over them, or every now and then crying from missing so much of each other’s lives. That swing became my swing, where I did everything. I had made a journal before I left that I was to write to a friend in, that I could always be found scribbling my thoughts, or describing my day to. I loved the way the shadows played on my paper as the sun shone brilliantly through the trees and the wind brought the smell of life and the sight of leaves and grass dancing gracefully in the wind. It was a place that, for me, begat peace and joy, where I could review the events of my day in beautiful solitude and quiet.
Though in the end I had to leave the place that, over the few weeks I had stayed, became again my home. I learn things in that time, lessons and stories I hope to never forget, and that I hold close and dear to my heart. I learned to look for the beautiful little things that catch my eye and to have time for myself to be able to think things through and get up the courage to believe in myself. As I sat in the plane watching the slow but steady change from green back to brown, I realized I had as well become insensitive to the beautiful little wonders that surround me every day that I set aside, and put on a shelf, never to be seen again. Always remember to look around and see, really see the wonders all around.
You see? I just feel... homesick but I havent lived there for years! why just now do I miss it? Good news! I have all O's and ...almost... straight A's of course that's excusing my C in geometry.... but that doesnt count! hmmmm Today I did the funniest thing! Well you know Purple (katies... favorite crayon in the box) Well we nicknamed The guy she likes purple... but her favorite color is orange... so its her favorite crayon in the box:D so today I got a bag of purple crayons, and handed them to him asking if he knew her and would give them to her:D So her day was brightened after the terrible events of today ... dun Dun DUN! But that is not my story to tell..... so anyways someone said after reading one of my posts, that though I acted like a 4 foot deep pool (not shallow not deep) but that on the inside, i was worth diving into... 20 points this week.. rollovers from last week, not many kind words were said to me this week:( tear! oh well you guys love me! .. reach for the sky!
My name is Rylea... Whats yours!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
hugs, homework, and halloween...
hummmm !
I got like a million hugs today from of course my bestest bud Colby, and everyone else too. He seems to be getting better though which is good! He smells flippin amazing! Well this one has got to be short because I have volleyball but I will explain the rest of the title:D Well my fun little list of homework has become a fun HUGE list of homework, I have a project in geometry and a lab in biology. (which means three charts an article and a summary of it, and other fun stuff) then I have the normal bio 1h Hw and the page of Geometry HW , and an english essay that needs to be typed, and memorization on theater for my play a christmas carol and a scene where Im a nun... ya well..... Halloween will be great! Im of course going to the ward christmas party, and then afterwards, the Morrows are having a party( you know my young womens leaders and her son....s:D) I dont know what I'm going to dress like... soo any suggestions? lol Last year at Girls camp sister Morrow said she wished she had a daughter so I volunteered.. At first we planned some mother daughter stuff she couldnt do with her boys, and I called her mom, but it ended up not working out because of our schedules.... I love her anyway! Well volleyball is going to start soon so I got to go!
My name is Rylea... Whats yours?
I got like a million hugs today from of course my bestest bud Colby, and everyone else too. He seems to be getting better though which is good! He smells flippin amazing! Well this one has got to be short because I have volleyball but I will explain the rest of the title:D Well my fun little list of homework has become a fun HUGE list of homework, I have a project in geometry and a lab in biology. (which means three charts an article and a summary of it, and other fun stuff) then I have the normal bio 1h Hw and the page of Geometry HW , and an english essay that needs to be typed, and memorization on theater for my play a christmas carol and a scene where Im a nun... ya well..... Halloween will be great! Im of course going to the ward christmas party, and then afterwards, the Morrows are having a party( you know my young womens leaders and her son....s:D) I dont know what I'm going to dress like... soo any suggestions? lol Last year at Girls camp sister Morrow said she wished she had a daughter so I volunteered.. At first we planned some mother daughter stuff she couldnt do with her boys, and I called her mom, but it ended up not working out because of our schedules.... I love her anyway! Well volleyball is going to start soon so I got to go!
My name is Rylea... Whats yours?
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