My life. My lies.

I realized. I'm lying to the world. I really am. Everytime I've smiled this week (cept when I'm with him) it's been a lie. I have to literally put on a happy face every morning and I HATE it! Today, for one acts, there was no happy moments. But somehow for part of it, it didnt show. Only once, in front of Katie, then Ashley Graf... she must wonder why her brother could ever like a person as messed up as me. This has been the worst week of my life! Today.. started with me being sick. Ended feeling alone in the universe, on my roof, shaking, and crying, and just completely alone. Earlier today, I was so happy. Then I found out. My mother is in a hospital. Like an asylum. Because partly of me. I did this to her! I want to curl up into a ball and die. People wont shut up now. Theyre screaming, and everyone's talking and i'm frozen. dead to the world. I wish I could curl up in a ball and die. I thought I was strong. I had no idea.