I owe Iowa.

I owe Iowa. Without my yearly adventure to this wonderful state hope in friendships, families and the bonds between people would be lost completely. Every connection I make here is real and wild, and truly beautiful. It teaches me that friendships can be strong and based on mutual appreciation instead of need. It shows me that sometimes people can be there for you even if there is nothing in it for them. I am addicted to the nostalgic green beauty that feeds into my life every second I am outside on a dirt road, by a field, or near something ALIVE which is everywhere because life is the true essense of this place... Though where I am, the business is dying and sadly it seems so is the populace, my faith in this town, in this PEOPLE is not lost. Nay, it is growing every second someone nearly forgotton remembers my name, something anecdotal I did as a small child, or smiles and waves at me from a the sidewalk as I drive by in a car. As my old haunts start to crumble, namely the playground I basically lived on, the coffee-shop where I created my favorite drink -- the strawberry coconut italian soda-- and the home where I learned to create, to walk, to jump, and to play, instead of dying with them, my memories of them become vivid and alive, and my connections grow stronger. I recently went to the bridge where I had my first kiss, and though the awkward unenjoyable passion had completely faded, the magic of being inside one of my memories was a feeling comparable to knowing the answer to an obscure board game question. It was something so personal, and unexplainable and empowering... like exploring myself. Understanding a parts of me that were unexplainable and new before.As I explore my memories one by one, as I reconnect to the old and aged places of my early youth an obscure feeling of pressure arises in my chest, along with enough joy to fill my entire being to my fingertips. I need Iowa. I need to know that I'm loved, and beautiful and wanted, and worthy of relationships with others. No one needs to understand why but me. I've grown up Ty. If you don't think so, that is no one's problem but yours. I know myself better now, I know what I want more than anything, and in a month and a half, I will be able to make those decisions for myself. I'm ready for life. I'm ready to be happy. I owe you Iowa.