Complexity

So today Kim and I went to the gym. It was also Jackson's Kindergarten graduation. It was adorable, and everyone made such a big deal out of it. When we were leaving the gym, Kim started talking to one of the women who work there about Jacks graduation and how he was growing up so fast, and then amongst other things named the ages of all of her children. She didn't mention me. It kind of stung, seeing as the topic was graduation, and well... I'm graduating High school... In June. THIS YEAR. Which I think is an appropriate thing to mention when I'm standing there, as you talk about your children. Noting that--It's kind been a weird life recently in the whole family aspect. If I'm ever feeling bad though, Kim and Ty are first to mention that they are my family, and that I have plenty of people who love me, which is in fact true, however I'm no one's child ( excluding my "real" family which I hardly ever associate with) and so that level of care and attention which is exuded most openly with their own children is mostly skipped for me. I feel unloved, and unwanted, and now due to this lovely rant, I feel complain-y. I really do want to feel like part of the family, but who are we kidding? We both know I'm not. What is love if you don't show it, or say it. It's as if people just expect me to know that they love me... and I just expect to love people without trying. I need to try. I love Lucas. And Caroline. And Caroline's baby, and Marci. And I do love the Harmons, though I think I'm closing off to them because I feel like they are hurting me. Oh the complexity.