I have way too much to write. In realizing that I don't journal even close to half as often as I should... I decided that 3:40 AM would be the perfect time to start. Ironic how all of my writing happens around this time... ANYWAY. Where has the time gone? I haven't been able to properly recognize that time has passed, and that I am not who I was yesterday, or two months ago, or a year ago... So much has changed, so much has moved... I've moved. My life has moved. My sense of time has changed. I'm not a little girl anymore. My sense of life and how i deal with the world around me has changed, everything has shifted on an axis towards who I'm supposed to be. But where am I to go? What is in store for me in a month? Two months? A year? I don't know! And I don't care to know, because for once in my life I'm in a place where I feel safe and comfortable. I never knew how good life could be until now. Until the Harmons. It's crazy. I've never felt so close to people in my life. I feel protected and cared for. But I'm changing too. I'm trying to be more active in the gospel, and I'm learning about myself everyday... and coming to the conclusion that I like who I am, and what I stand for. I may not know what the future holds, but I know I'm ready for it. I'm ready to take on the world.

Hello 12 am, how are you this morning?

For someone as extremely worn out as me, seeing 12:03 in the morning is kind of a strange, almost exhilarating thing.. you know? I missed 11:11 on 11 11 11 11 or whatever... I guess since I have everything I need, it would have been pointless anyways. So now that I have come to the realization that no.. I will probably not be getting to be for a while... I wanted to say a few things, but had no one to say them to... Im a very listy person soooo
1. Nathan Olsen still has not written me. Its getting on my nerves. A LOT.
2. Lovewell is tomorrow. This will be the first big singing part I have.. I hope i dont mess it up...
3. I wish my phone wasnt so terrible. I just want my text messages to send.. is that too much to ask!?!? haha
4. Jesse and I would make a really good couple. too bad he lives across town. Also too bad he isnt mormon... also too bad that he would never go for it.
5.I sort of wish I would have gone to LVA... they get such an edge
6. I know so many people... Im such a creeeeeepppperrrr
7. Why can't I just trust people?!?! it shouldnt be that hard.
8. I need to accept the fact that my senior year sucks.. and move on.
9. I really need to start reading my scriptures more...
10. balaf;ldsfj;sdlkfjlsjdf;sljaklf WHY CANT I SLEEEEEEEEEeeeppppppP!?!?
11. Im going to try to sleep now...
12. Sweet dreams, world

One minute... In a year.

I havent written on this blog in a year. Basically I know I need to, because I never really know what I'm feeling unless I write it down....

One. STRIKE.

I dont know if there's a word. I push everyone away as far as I can. I hate it. It's one strike and you're out with me... but I want to be forgiving Im just kind of tired of it. Everyone hurts me. I just dont know if i can take more of it. You know? Im not thinking about it constantly. Ive been really happy these past few days, but Ive noticed it. Its running right under my skin like a pulse of sporadic electricity. It says " Don't forget Rylea. You are in pain. You have a lot of problems Rylea, dont forget them. Dont fix them. Dont hide them. Its there. Dont forget me. dont pretend."

Wow. Hello. Its been months really. I'm going to tell you a story, because I feel like it. Not because I'm a writer by any means...
Once upon a time there was a